So today (well it is still today for about 25 more minutes) has been a whyday, rather than just a Friday.
A friend posted about how thankful she is for her daughter (she has extra reason to be, which isn’t mine to tell), and for her life. It hit me in the gut how hard I miss Lily, how much I wish she were here, how angry and sad I am that she is not, and it hit me how much I wish I could say I was thankful that she’s alive. Obviously I can’t say the last part. It’s leaving me hurting so deeply there aren’t words.

I’m also struggling with the fact that the rest of the tribe is so far away. Bee, Michael, and Elyssa live quite a distance from us and it’s really wearing on me today.

I miss my kids and one of my best friends and wish they were living here already.



Our daughter Lily was conceived after about 2 years of trying. There were some breaks in there because of the miscarriages that we went through.

She was born at 36 weeks 3 days (or 4 days?) so a bit premature, after having almost been born at 30 weeks, and with me having had contractions for 8 weeks in total.