Whyday

So today (well it is still today for about 25 more minutes) has been a whyday, rather than just a Friday.
A friend posted about how thankful she is for her daughter (she has extra reason to be, which isn’t mine to tell), and for her life. It hit me in the gut how hard I miss Lily, how much I wish she were here, how angry and sad I am that she is not, and it hit me how much I wish I could say I was thankful that she’s alive. Obviously I can’t say the last part. It’s leaving me hurting so deeply there aren’t words.

I’m also struggling with the fact that the rest of the tribe is so far away. Bee, Michael, and Elyssa live quite a distance from us and it’s really wearing on me today.

I miss my kids and one of my best friends and wish they were living here already.

If you’d told me…

Twenty some years ago one of my favorite adults met a person and fell in love. If you’d told me then that I’d be angry they were splitting up all these years later (I don’t know the full story, so I’m trying to keep judgement and thoughts away…. which is something I’d try to do anyway, but am not sure I’d be able to do) I wouldn’t have believed you. Their relationship irreparably harmed the relationship between that adult and I. However, I can’t stand the pain that that family is in (would it be worse if they stayed together though?) and I am now used to that person being in our lives. I’m going to miss them. Divorce sucks, whether it’s 2 years or 20 some.

Me, Maui 2007

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Scuba diving off the coast of Maui….

It was a lot of fun.

In June 2007, my (then) husband, grandmother, sister, and parents went on a trip to Maui (and to Honolulu). These are two of the three pictures I can find of me by myself. (Edit: I found a couple more pics of me by myself, bring the total up to five.)

It was a fun trip, but it was stressful and hard too.. my marriage was failing, I was cracking, and I was trying to keep everyone from seeing anything but perfection.

Random picture of one of my charm braclets

Charm bracelet

Dog, fairy, heart with music, and wish with stars.

 

I’m looking for a cat to complete this bracelet… I may have found one, we’ll see if it’s still available when it’s birthday time.

I love my charm bracelets. 🙂 I’ll have to get pictures of my Italian Charm Bracelets at some point. I have one from high school, and one from the trip my parents, grandmother, sister, ex husband (we were still together at the time) and I took to Hawaii.