I’m not me

I hate this. I’m feeling like I’m not myself again. I don’t know if it’s because I’m eating more salt, which displaces my lithium, or if it’s my hormones as I should start my period any time, but whatever it is, I’m not me.

Looking up dysphoria I think that’s what it is. I hate this.

https://www.verywell.com/what-is-dysphoria-378817

And, it could be hormones or bipolar (or both!!) …. I’m so tired of this, and it’s been going on for less than 24 hours this time.

The last time I remember feeling like this, at least clearly remember, I started picking fights with Johnny.

I just… I am going to repeat myself… I’m tired of this. I hate this.

Like I needed more depression triggers…

So apparently having been very ill and survived leads to both thankfulness and depression in me.

I’m SO thankful to have survived, and so thankful to be alive – DAILY. I don’t always show or express it, but I am. That said, I started getting depressed just before the anniversary of my starting to get ill last year, and while it may not have been the trigger of my depression, I’m sure it didn’t help. Just thinking about how ill I became, and the fact I very easily could have died….. the fact my body was failing me, and nearly failed me completely… that’s rough to take in and deal with. Apparently I need to get in with a therapist again (Actually I’ve known this and am trying)…. this sucks.

I’ve been battling my mind

My mind and I have been battling lately. I’ve been on the depressed side of things, thanks to my bipolar. It has been really difficult to function lately, and I’ve been doing the bare minimum of what needs to be done because of how bad it’s been. Yesterday and today I’ve been doing better again, thankfully. I feel more like me again.