I’m unstable. I hate those words. Actually, I don’t know if they are accurate after talking to one of the clinicians at my mental health place. I seem to be having a good mood night (maybe too good? not sure), but I’m also feeling down… the guess is that I am anxious.

There’s a lot going on right now, plus I’ve had a LOT of caffeine in the last 48 hours due to the migraine I had. Caffeine can cause anxiety for me on it’s own, but mix in the fact that I’m dealing with some things that cause me anxiety currently, and trying to process some things from being so sick… it makes sense that I’d be anxious.

I think if I don’t get too caught up in stuff I will go to bed early tonight. I have an hour until I feel comfortable doing that as I don’t like taking my meds way off schedule.

Anyway… Here’s a picture I took (and edited) several years ago. I feel like sharing it tonight.

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Depression and Anxiety

I was going through my feed on facebook today and came across this post about anxiety and depression. I thought it was interesting… especially when I got to some of the explanations of what depression and anxiety are…

Some of them really hit home with me.

Depression can be oversleeping, lashing out at friends for no reason and sinking into self-destruction that you’re too transparent to care about. Depression is hopelessness, guilt and restlessness.

That’s my depression. There’s a lot more to it, but that is a basic description of my depression. I may come back and edit more descriptions of depression in later…. but for now I’ll leave it with that.

Anxiety is feeling like somebody is sitting on your chest, pinning you to the ground, to the point where you’re unable to breathe.

Anxiety is feeling alone and out of place in groups of more than three people who you’re not fully familiar with. Are they judging you? Do they secretly hate you?

Anxiety is waiting for somebody to acknowledge you or invite you into the conversation before you talk, even if you’ve been there for an hour and had so many things to say, simply because you can’t bare to make the first move or put yourself out there. Don’t get me wrong, you wan’t to put yourself out there so bad… but there’s something inside of you that will physically and mentally not allow you to.

Those….. those are my anxiety. I’m not even sure what else to say about my anxiety. That last one has been me for my whole life. I’ve been called shy because of it, and I suppose that’s what it is too, because I am introverted, but honestly, I’m just anxious about making the first move.

PTSD Sucks

I don’t really want to talk about it, but I have PTSD and tonight I was triggered by a bandana that somehow ended up in our stuff at some point.

I ended up with a song my ex husband used to sing to me in my head.

I was a mess.