A lack of sex ed sure can mess with a person…

(TW rape is discussed somewhat, no details)

I was raised in a very set Christian home, with abstinence being a big part of that as I grew older.
I have a lot of reasons from my personal life to disagree with abstinence only education, and as a parent I want my kids making informed decisions.

I didn’t know that men could choose not to rape. I didn’t know that they could say “Oh, I don’t want sex” or “Oh, she doesn’t want sex so I’ll either stop, or just masturbate”…. there are other circumstances in my life that led to that way of thinking as well, but the way I was taught that sex ed was bad, etc. didn’t help at all.

I didn’t know sex was pleasurable either. When things felt good when I started venturing into foreplay and sex I was ashamed.

I didn’t know the names of body parts.

The reason I mentioned rape is that when I was 18 I ended up going to the home of a guy I had been dating, and we did some stuff, though there was no intercourse or anything of that sort.
I remember telling the friend who picked me up from his house (I couldn’t drive myself, I was too upset over everything) that he would have raped me. Now, 14 years later, and having been married, etc. I know it’s not likely [that he would have], but at the time I was convinced that we wouldn’t… no COULDN’T have stopped if things went any further, regardless of what I wanted.

Enter my now ex husband. I was coerced into sex at the end of our relationship, until I finally just said “no” and left it at that…. this was at least a few times… honestly I’d say most of our two years we were married. Part of my reason for marrying him was guilt because we’d had sex and I didn’t think I could do anything else. It’s not the only reason, but it did play a role.

I can’t remember what else I wanted to say, so I guess I’ll leave it at that.

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